This is a great article about how to love an introvert. I get that it’s tough, I’m not easy to love. But here’s why…
When I’m told “you’re so cold” and “if I wanted to be left alone I could marry a rich old man and have him not touch me”. I just withdraw even further into my shell. I get that it’s hard to understand and to live with someone who is (according to the Myers-Briggs typology) 100% introvert. I’m a pretty solitary person. It’s who I am. I can’t be anything else. I know that sounds like a cop out, but here’s the thing, say I force it, say I push through the bubble that surrounds me and MAKE myself interact and force myself to be affectionate and ‘up’, then what? Then I am interacting under duress, not because I’m actually feeling it. That feels like lying.
There’s more to it than that, I am on medication that makes me groggy in the mornings. I feel like I’m under water watching the world go by above the surface. I’m trapped in my own mind. I am doing three loads of dishes, putting dinner on in the slow cooker and hanging out the washing. I am already multi-tasking. I also have an exam to finish and a job to start this week. I am thinking about all the things I have to do and all the money I don’t have to pay the thousand bucks worth of bills that’s due now. And it is at THIS moment that you choose to tell me that I am cold. I know I am. I’m sorry.
That’s more than fair enough and a completely valid thing to say. If you don’t feel valued or loved, if you feel shut out and lonely in this relationship then that is not a good thing.
I am on the inside of the bubble looking out. The world is there whizzing past. I think it’s partially the effects of the meds, it is also just my nature. I’m not hugely social and am actually happiest in my own company. Having to talk to people all the time, having to interact with people all the time, I find that overwhelming and exhausting. In the mornings I get all the kids ready, pack bags, do the school run, talk to other parents and preschool teachers. By the time I get home I’m ready to hibernate for a while.
I feel like I make an effort, if you can believe that. I attempted several conversations, about Jude’s little friend at preschool, about the washing, the lawn mowing, about what to make for dinner and who is here when. That, just that, was really REALLY hard for me. Draining even.
Now I’ve written this all out I feel marginally better that it isn’t circling my brain on loop.
Here’s a poem called “How to Love Your Introvert”, watch, make sure you watch all the way to number 6. He says it far better than I can…
Equating interacting with people with exercise was brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. YES! Socialising with people is like running a marathon, and you wouldn’t ask an olympian to run another race after she just finished the marathon. She’s tired and needs to recover.
Are there any other extreme introverts out there?
How do you manage it on a daily basis?