Editor’s Note: Today’s guest post comes from one of my favourite bloggers - The Mercenary Researcher! I am a huge fan of her blog and am greatly honoured that she would come and leave her mark on mine. I hope you will all make her feel very welcome and then hop on over and check out her stuff. You won’t regret it!
My father means well, but he’s got a ‘bad gift choosing’ gene. It’s gotten worse over the years – especially after my parents split up and he had to get gifts on his own.
I dread birthdays and Christmas – I just know he’s going to get me another horrid coat. For years he would buy me hot pink coats; I looked like a deranged jelly bean. I hate pink. I don’t really wear coats.
Why he continues to get pink, I can’t fathom – it makes me wonder if he actually lived in the same house as me when I was growing up. From age 14 on, my clothing colors consisted of the following hue: BLACK.
Now as an adult, I’ve branched out a bit – it’s black and dark green. Every once in a while, when I meet someone new, I will ask them…so, if you were going to buy me a coat, what color would you choose? People that have only known me an HOUR answer “black”.
To my knowledge I’ve never owned anything pink.
The first few coats were easy to deal with, I worked as a vocational evaluator and a rehab facility, and I could donate my coat to some of the clients in the sheltered workshop area. Now I donate it to domestic violence shelters – at least it’s being put to good use.
My absolute ‘favorite’ thing my dad will do is buy me, my mom and his current wife the exact same present. It’s so much fun at Christmas when the three of us open up our gifts and we ALL get dearfoam slippers, a coat or a watch. Not even in different colors sometimes. AWKWARD
I think my mistake was saying I liked a particular gift – he latched on to that and ran with it. This year I got a black furry coat and a furry animal print beret. Sigh.
My husband always gets one of the following: a watch, boots or a flannel lined jacket. The first time my father bought him shoes for a present, he asked me what size he (my husband) wore. I told him the truth – he wears a 9 ½. My father refused to believe me; stating that ‘men’ don’t wear shoes that small. My husband is 6’ tall – and he has a size 9 ½ foot. So, of course, my father got him size 10 boots. Which, consequently, were too big. Imagine that.
Some other fabbo gifts he’s bestowed upon me are as follows:
- Furry cow spotted vest – I laughed and said what a funny joke and he looked abashed. Opps…
- A sandwich press (similar to a waffle iron) – which I brought back to Wal-Mart and learned it was from the $1 bin…nice….
- A clear plastic purse – I’m going to be 43 this month, and to date, I’ve never owned a purse. I’ve had backpacks and oversized book bags …all in black…but never a purse. NEVER. And as a side note – what’s with the clear purse? I’d feel compelled to stock it with lots of extra super absorbent tampons and Kotex pads– just to make people feel uneasy when they looked at it.
- Slippers – sometimes pink…one time pink & grey with a dingle type ball – they were clownish…I’m terrified of clowns.
- A watch. Another item of adornment that I’ve never sported in MY ENTIRE LIFE.
- Chunky heel slider sneakers. They were horrible. I hate most shoes – I wear black Doc Martin boots for the most part – but I think it’s weird to buy shoes for someone unless they specifically ask for shoes. Especially if you buy something you think is ‘stylish’ – and, as you’ve probably ascertained, he’s not really a stylish guy.
- One year, for my 33rd birthday, he (and his wife) bought me a schmata – in a size 2x.
This is a schmata/housecoat/duster – Divine could wear a schmata like nobody’s business– Photo credit: thesignatureline.blogspot.com
My 80 year old grandmother wore them – who buys a young person a housecoat/duster?
So here’s the deal
- Never buy a 30 something woman a housecoat – just don’t. Even if they ask. Just don’t.
- If you’re not sure of a person’s size – err on the side of caution and go smaller…I was maybe an XL. It’s like buying a guy condoms in extra small.
Last year I sat my father’s wife down and told her that I don’t really need shoes nor was I a fan of pink items, in hopes that she’d pass it on gently to my father. I guess that’s why I got the furry black jacket this Christmas. My birthday is in a few days –oi! The gift. The possibilities are endless – or something from the list above.
I hope no one thinks I’m being mean – my dad’s a good guy – he’s just a horrible gift getter. You have to admit some of the things he’s gotten are kind of humorous in a funny uh- oh way.
Steph, thank you for letting me tell my story on your blog!
……………
You are most welcome! Next time you come to visit I will be sure to crack out my best house coat.
Want more Mercenary Researcher? Of course you do, who doesn’t? Here are some more great reads…
You’re awesome, Steph!
I’m working on taking compliments properly so I’m going to say thank you. You’re awesome too!
Good on ya! That’s what my Aussie friend always says
Ha that’s funny, we do say that a lot!
That’s cause you guys are cool and I wanna be cool tooo
I fear, very much so, that I will be a terrible gift giver for my child(ren). I’m not very good at it already. I like to go with the tried and true – jewelry and a poem (hello, I’m a writer) for my wife. My brother and I used to just exchange DVDs like nobody’s business but recently we’ve sort of petered out on giving gifts altogether. And my parents – beer for my dad and sweets for my mom. Done. Boring. But, tried and true, and they are all things they like (I think, I hope, they’ve never complained.) But, now I’m going to have this whole new person to factor gifts for – and I have no prior experience with them to lean upon, no tried and true method. I guess the first couple years will be easy, but then… perhaps it will be watches, and pink slippers, and ….
Just keep clear of spotted cow vests….
I find gift cards to be fabulous!
I like gift cards too, but my wife thinks they are cheating! I think it just becomes harder as we get older because if we need something we get it for ourselves, so when holiday’s and birthday’s roll around there isn’t much left that we need or want.
Thanks for the warning. I will definitely stay away from spotted cow vests. Though, the kiddo might look pretty cute in one…
until s/he is an adult – then swear off of them!
Gotcha. Good plan.
I wonder if I can get a refund on that pink coat I bought for our 10 year Wedding anniversary gift? Oh dear..
Hee hee… did you give it to me?
Crap, I think it’s for me. Yes, take it back!
You can love pink! You can love pink!!
It was either that or a trip to Paris. But you hate flying.
ha! How about I leave a handy list on the fridge?
You two must know each other….
yes… meet hubby, apparently purveyor of house coats and overseas trips, hurrah!
Um… I like Paris, Aussiereddevil…. well, I like food -and they have it there…
Don’t know if I would go there just for food. Would go to watch le Tour de France though
That’ll work. Can I leave you a list too?
yes, if you leave me some money with it!
10 grand should cover it…
that’s a lot of socks and underwear
I was thinking more like a fishing boat
Sure!
Hee heee. I shouldn’t answer for Steph
Geez, Ladycakes, how ungrateful. Thanks for this post, I’ll be sure never to get you ANYTHING EVER!
No!!!!!! I didn’t want it to sound like that!!!
Lololololol.
Are flashing back to the spotted cow vest you got your son’s for Xmas in a particular year?
Um, I had no idea what even WAS such a thing. How totally awful.
I laughed at most of it except the 2x housecoat, that one sort of insulted me….but I’ was used to it by then! For the most part, he includes a gift card. I know a lot of people think Gift Cards are ‘cheating’ but I love them…
I’d rather get a gift card than a gift I don’t like.
I’d rather get a gift card if the person isn’t sure what to get me –
Precisely.
Just not the pink gift card….I want mine in black
So, the pink one then? It’ll be in the mail tonight.
Yes, the pink/black one shaped like a coat.
Got it.
Worth $10,000
Oh. It’s in layaway.
crud
Yeah, I know. I’m disappointed, too.
The clear plastic purse does have potential. We could put handcuffs in there are just lug it around everywhere.
With rocks – why not indulge and have some fun?
Fake blood. A chicken leg. Toilet paper! So many possibilities
Ha! I’ll send you one ~
Yes!
….or I could just take some toilet paper everywhere without a purse
That could the ‘the norm’ where you live, for all I know
I like to take my TP attached to the back of my pants….drives the boys CUUURAZY
Haha! I bet it does
Why have I not tried this before?!
You just need a little guidance, young grasshopper. And since you’re all NEKKKID there’s no place for the TP to attach itself to
Thank you, master. You are so wise *bow*
hee hee..
Yes, but was the housecoat pink, with fuzzy trim?
Hee hee – nope! It should have been!
You’re both incredibly gifted and talented writers!
Great job – both of you!
Spanks!! You’re so lovely.
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